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This week I’m diving into:
Part 2: Why choose hard series: We all feel hard in different ways. What’s your way?
Spotlight Story - An inspiring Mama who moves through hard with grace and faith.
My Hard Compass - A dog eared series of questions I ponder when moving through hard.
Curious to move through hard with a Collective of brave, motivated women? Hop on my waitlist for WEvolve Collective Coaching Group. Starting this April—it’s an expansive on-ramp for your life’s pivot.
Those who missed my Choose Hard post last week, it’s here.
We all feel our ‘hard’ in different ways.
For me, hard feels like a wobbly, throbbing ball in my solar plexus. It’s the sensation of being confronted with circumstances or extreme difficulties I didn’t ask for, or want…at all.
They are change agents for the taking.
When hard lands in my path, it’s like witnessing a mountainous wall of sheer terror rise up, with an unimaginable horizon ahead. The only step forward is through.
What does hard feel like to you?
Humour me. Take a minute to stop for a second. Consider your own unique flavours of hard. Do you respond differently to hard now versus when you were little? Or, have you carried the same response to hard all the way through?
Over the past decade, I realize I have responded to hard in different ways throughout my life. Each time I forge ahead through the hard, and not around it, I see myself with newfound awareness.
The greatest side effect of moving through hard is increased compassion for others.
Inevitably, each hard is ours to move through. But choosing trusty sidekicks to lean on for each hard chunk builds beautiful human bonds. Having the right people in your corner can eases the bumps. Humans to rely on, no matter what. Those with whom to peel the hard lid off, together.
Meet Jen - A Hard Heroine
With International Women’s Day just behind us, I wanted to spotlight a hard heroine in my life.
Jen Smith is one of these epic humans for me. I lean on her. She leans on me.
I’ve known her only for 6 years. Yet, it feels like a lifetime.
Jen’s ridden hard for decades. Extreme adventure travel without maps, starting numerous novel businesses with her partner, facing enormous loss and grief, sidestepping conventional paths for the unknown, and being in the corner for her four big wave surfing boys. Jen consistently creates the safety and space to pave the way for her four boys to achieve what seems impossible (to most).
When I witness her move through hard, I see:
Her belief in what humans can endure.
Her faith in letting go.
Her ability to sit in the discomfort.
Her trust that she will land in the right place.
Her unwavering vision for herself and her family.
Being around her version of hard opens up a portal of what is possible in the hard for me. When I am faced with what she’s capable of, I inevitably explore new ways to think, do and be in my own world.
Last week, I asked Jen what hard means to her.
“When things are hard, you see the path, everything else strips away. You’re in the fire. You don’t have time to stress about the little things. The picture becomes clear. The next right thing is in front of you.”
Here are her words…
Here are her boys.
Jen and her family are carving their waves of hard in truly sensational ways. Here’s a little window into her four boys—the youngest big wave surfers in the world.
Watch this space!
These young humans, with a mama who is a champion of moving through hard, are lighting up our world.
Jen’s hard is not my hard. Or yours. But I urge you to consider who your hard heroine could be. If you can, let them know about their impact on your life.
It will light up their day.
My invitation to you: Crack open the hard to reveal the diamond
This is my HARD Compass. A place I return to reflect when things get crunchy and difficult. Have a read. Consider the questions. Do any resonate? What could you take away from this and make your own?
Check for Your Expert Avoidance Tactics. These are ninja-like abilities to pretend the hard is not staring us in the face. We'll turn our awareness down low. We blame others for the hard. We make up ALL manner of excuses. Each of us has our own recipe of patterns to avoid hard. What's yours? Hunt for it and reveal it. There’s a gem in there.
Make Way for Your Genius to invite Boldness. Refuse to succumb to victimhood. Be bold. Ask for what you need. Consider your own voice. Wrap your arms around an inherent worthiness in you. A capacity for addressing hard head on. It's there inside, not outside. Sure, outward achievements may garner attention. But true genius lies in our ability to believe in our spark and be bold enough to own it.
A Chance To Grow Up? What we perceive as weakness is often a gateway to growing up. No matter our age, we can always grow up. In tough times, we can reveal our immaturity. How can we take on the big stuff? What can we upgrade in ourselves that prompts us to grow up to be a smarter, kinder, and truer to who we really are?
Choose Yourself. Choosing the hard isn't just about facing challenges; it's about choosing yourself. Often we avoid hard, knowing it could also be hard for someone else. We worry that facing the hard will bring up conflict, and disappointment with others. So, who deserves the allegiance? Choose yourself. With grace and integrity. 9 times out of 10 the tough situations we fear in our relationships turn out to be not so tough. We need to face them directly.
Comparing Yourself? Life isn't always fair, and some of us may start ahead on the privilege starting line. But regardless of our circumstances, we each have our own battles to overcome. Consider where you're comparing ourselves to others, or dwelling on perceived injustices. Focus on our own journey and the obstacles we need to overcome.
How Can You Embrace Life's Shadows? Hard stuff is also often where the shadows resides. Instead of fearing these darker aspects, greet them with curiosity and compassion. Within the shadows are gems of self-discovery and empowerment, waiting. Once you've found them, healing begins with integration. It can be a beautiful opportunity to explore all parts of ourselves, even the ones we'd rather keep hidden.
An Opportunity to Step in vs. Step Back? We always have the option to give up, or step back when things get tough. It's our choice whether we let self-doubt and fear hold us back. Remember, we're capable of more than we think. The first step in is usually the most difficult. But once you do that a few times, that muscle will get stronger.
WEvolve Collective group this April?
It's a three-month intensive portal for moving collectively into a new gear. Guided by me and activated by my world-class leaders and experts, WEvolve is lovingly crafted as your on-ramp for a new life path. Message me below with - WEvolve to get on our list for more information.
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See you next week. If you enjoyed this read, please invite your friends.
In your corner,
With love,
Hope
I find myself wanting to write more about this. The topic of Hard is "sparking" other aspects of those challenging times in my life. Listening to Jen's audio I recall an 8 day trip in the wilderness on a canoe backpacking journey with 6 women. The idea was to conquer our fears and empower ourselves. It was designed for women who have experienced trauma. It changed my life drastically as I became more inclined towards taking risks and stepping off the sidelines of life. But the togetherness with those women struggling through, had a remarkable impact on me. And the presence we achieved through the hard obstacles was uplifting. Presence is a gift when moving through something, when our focus is positioned in the now, when each moment is more important than the next one. I could so relate to Jen's mountain biking with her son... how beautiful.
Yes, getting through to the other side of “hard” can be brutal and dark. When in it, I forget there is a gift waiting, a change, a light shining on a new path to follow.
The “hard” part of moving towards change, is like the prototypic journey through the birth canal. Bear with me here. Painful, fear-ridden, with sweeping motivation, with full on cellular consciousness, to get through without knowing why or what lay ahead… but with a knowing that the way it used to be, has moved over. Then, Voila! a light, a tremendous light, with a figure there and hands to hold me and if I’m lucky a belly to lay on with loving words flowing towards my tenderness. A new life begins. It’s a miracle.
Change is hard with lots of stops and starts for me.
But the gold at the end of the path always feels like a miracle - a miracle of life. Indeed.