Avoiding hard is never easy
How choosing hard can forge our lives.
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This week I’m diving into:
Part 1: Why choose hard series - How experiencing hard and walking into shadows can illuminate our lives.
Spotlight in words - Listen in to heartfelt humans who have wrapped their arms around hard. Consider their voice a portal for you.
Reads and Recommendations on hard
*Next week - I’ll share Part 2 in this series and my HARD Compass. These are tried and tested principles I return to.
Your mind is wired to hunt
“Your mind is wired to hunt. That’s what makes life meaningful. Follow the pursuit of hard to learn, grow and evolve.” - Dan Koe
As a hopeful hunter of human experience, I’m wired to explore what makes life meaningful. Let’s not kid ourselves. A big part of the human experience is the hard stuff.
Yet, we do our darndest to avoid it. Most of our lives.
There are a lot of people experiencing hard times. All over the world.
Is it more than ever? I can’t say, but it sure feels like it.
If you don’t know me well, my sensitivity meter is usually switched on high. My sensing, porous, squishy love-center picks up on other people’s energy. Especially when they are having a hard time.
My core has been feeling the hard in my own world. And the hard happening for people I know. People I have never met. People I can only imagine in my mind’s eye.
What to do with all this hard?
My belief is the more we step into the hard, face the difficult, walk into the shadows— the more we can reveal. Under the hard surface lies opportunities. Spaces we can search and hunt for growth and abundant learning.
Disclaimer: stepping into the hard. I’m not talking about running straight into serious trouble. Or constantly seeking the most difficult paths. Instead, there can be a beauty in choosing to lean into the hard bits that we inevitably face.
Read below to hear how my fellow hunters are doing it.
The Paradox of Hard
“I want things to be hard for you because I want you to be good at doing hard things. The best things are hard.”
A mentor once shared this with me. I found myself upset by her comment.
You want things to be hard for me?
Then I thought about it. I mean really considered it.
When I reflect on my life, most of my own growth and learning stems from leaning into hard. Losing health, losing loved ones, losing stability. I have had my fare share. Facing uncertainty, confronting limitations (or ones in my mind) have all played a role in life.
Each time I step on the hard(er) path, a golden nugget of a lesson gets dropped.
If I listen.
In my late 30’s (rather late, super early…who knows?) I began to attune to this gift. I noticed when I was avoiding the hard. I also noted when others around me avoided it as well.
When we don’t want hard for ourselves, or anyone in our life, it constricts us. Rather than acting as true protection, this tight container can keep us and others small.
Find your guide
Find your teachers, guides and mystics to shine a light on ways for you to move towards hard. Those who don’t fear darkness but rather sit in the presence of it. They harness the potential and latent presence of it, and embed it with light.
"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern." - Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
I want to offer up a few guides I adore working with. I asked them to share in voice, a message for you. Listen in below. There’s something magical about hearing someone share their experience via voice. The treble, the pitch and frequency can unlock our minds and hearts to new insights.
Easy Choices—Hard Life. Hard Choices—Easy Life.
My dear friend, collaborator and fellow coach Amanda Burgess shared her thoughts on embracing hard. She has walked with incredible layers of hard, for decades. Losing people year after year, she slipped into grief stricken, life-altering waves of hard. She realized NO one was coming to save her. She chose wrapping her arms around the hard. Amanda has walked this path and shared her story. In wrapping her arms around the hard, she’s emerged as a resilient, more connected version of her true self. You’ll want to meet her.
Flip your script. Move from Victim to Creator.
Sam Moinet released himself from his own mental health crisis and emerged as an educator coach on a mission to empower students and teachers. He moved himself from victim to creator of a life he’s proud of. He now speaks around the world, coaching, teaching educators, learners, teachers to find their passion.
In his words, “You can move a mountain by moving many small stones.”
Imagine we’re a stick. One one end is our shadow. The other end holds our gift. You can’t have one without the other.
Jenny Arndt supports others to claim their gifts. A beautiful thing happens when we are given permission to connect with a deeper part of ourselves. This often means moving through muck. But it’s in our reach. Jenny invites a willingness to revere darker, harder parts in us. She reminds us to be tender, soft and move at a pace that feels right for us.
Reads & Recs on Hard
We learn by breaking rules. I also know how powerful it can be to learn by witnessing others move through their hard. Join me and my collaborator Julian for Alter Braintrust series: Breaking the Rules Of Business As Usual. This is first our online doorway into meeting luminary leaders—of all ages, stages and areas, to hear how they are facing hard and breaking rules. Join now. We’ll be dropping other ways for your to connect with these magnificent humans (yes, in person)!
When things get hard, we need to support our system. I love my morning waterfall drink (aka big glass of hydration to start my day) with CALM magnesium. A tsp of this powder in warm water with lemon soothes any feelings of fried—offering up an immediate does of electrolytes and magnesium. Pssst…when these are low, it can contribute to our irritation and anger in crunchy times.
Gold Mining the Shadows - Shadow work is an act of liberation—one with the potential to transform our lives and our culture for the better. Pain— individual and collective—contains valuable wisdom. With loving compassion and lived experience, Pixie Lighthorse guides readers to recognize, call out, and learn from our pain.
Teaching our kids grit - and moving into hard. Austin Scholar has an amazing piece here. A teen writing for teens. Share this with kids in your life.
Question for you - do you like the audio shares in these posts?
Let me know if they’re landing and I’ll make sure to hunt and gather more in the coming weeks.
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See you next week. If you enjoyed this read, please invite your friends.
In your corner,
With love,
Hope