THE THRESHOLD RECIPE: A 3-Week Series
I fancy myself an enthusiastic cook. Feeding people is my jam. Let’s call it my delivery system for love.
This recipe is for those standing at the edge of something. You can feel it: the old way of being doesn’t fit anymore. The doing feels bunchy, off. But the new way hasn’t fully formed.
At this end of September 2025, you’re at a threshold. Maybe you’re changing careers, ending a relationship, becoming a parent, or simply sensing a giant shift in your veins. This is for you.
Over the next few weeks, I’m sharing the ingredients I use with my beloved clients when they’re ready to cross a threshold. This isn’t theory — it’s practice. Real tools that have carried me through five major life transformations.
Let’s begin.
Part 1: The Limitations You Borrowed
“Man is the creature who does not know what to desire, and he turns to others in order to make up his mind. We desire what others desire because we imitate their desires.” —René Girard
Last Sunday, I taught a client to map her borrowed limitations. Then I did it myself—because this work is never one-and-done, and I’d been feeling that familiar constriction in my solar plexus that means I’m bumping against an invisible ceiling.
I grabbed a blank piece of paper and wrote out every limitation I’ve been carrying. Every “I can’t be a world traveller at this stage in life...” Every “I’m not ready because...” Every “I shouldn’t want more because...”
Then I applied Girard’s framework—the question that changes everything: Where did these even come from?
Not one was originally mine.
The belief that I need proof before I act? Borrowed from an academic system that rewarded certainty over courage. Model source: Every teacher who valued perfect preparation over bold experimentation. This is what happens in achievement-oriented systems—we learn to value certainty over courage because our models (teachers, parents) were rewarded for the same.
The fear of being “too much”? Copied directly from women in my life who learned to make themselves smaller to avoid criticism. I watched them apologize for over-enthusiasm, dim ideas at dinner tables, soften their voice when others disagreed. And I thought: that’s what women do to stay safe. Model source: Generations of women who learned that visibility equals danger. If you’re a woman reading this, you learned some version of making yourself smaller. Different models, same lesson: visibility is dangerous, enthusiasm is ‘too much,’ ambition needs apologizing for.
And here’s the revolutionary part: The moment you see a limitation as borrowed, it loses its power.
You can hand it back.
You can choose new models.
This is threshold work—recognizing that the edge you’re facing isn’t the limit of what’s possible. It’s just the limit of what your models showed you.
The Lie We’ve Been Sold
Your limitations aren’t personal. They’re plagiarized.
Every single one.
French philosopher (and Stanford prof) René Girard spent decades studying this phenomenon. He discovered something that changes everything: we don’t even know what to desire until we see someone else wanting it.
Yes, social media amplifies imitation until it feels like truth. But the moment you see it, you can choose differently. You can pause, exhale, and ask—What’s actually mine?
That’s where freedom begins: reclaiming desire as your own.
GIRARD’S INSIGHT:
“We desire what others desire because we imitate their desires.”
Your limitations are desires in reverse—borrowed fears about what NOT to want.
Think about it:
The entrepreneur who can’t charge premium prices? She’s running her childhood dinner table’s scarcity program. Model source: Father who said “highway robbery” every time someone charged what their work was worth.
The leader who can’t make decisions without consensus? He’s operating from his family’s “don’t rock the boat” software. Model source: Mother who apologized profusely whenever she had a preference that differed from the group.
The creator who won’t share her work? She’s copying the “tall poppy gets cut down” consciousness she absorbed. Model source: The curious classmate who got mocked for raising her hand too often, so she stopped contributing altogether.
Girard called this “The Romantic Lie”—the false belief that our desires and limitations are authentically our own.
THE ROMANTIC LIE:
We believe our limitations are personal truths.
THE MIMETIC TRUTH:
Our limitations are plagiarized from models we didn’t choose consciously.
The Water You’re Swimming In
By age seven, most of us are fully programmed. Not by choice, but by absorption.
We swim in the water of our family’s beliefs, our culture’s assumptions, our environment’s limitations. And here’s the thing: we don’t even know we’re wet.
The Models You Didn’t Know You Were Copying
Here’s what shifted everything for me: recognizing the difference between unconscious mimicry and conscious model selection.
Unconscious Mimicry (What I Was Doing):
—>I was copying humans who stayed safely in their lane, so I kept my most radical ideas private
—>I was mimicking women who managed everyone’s comfort first, so I curated every room I entered instead of simply showing up
Conscious Model Selection (What I’m Doing Now):
—>I’m studying leaders who charge forth with their most paradigm-busting ideas
—>I’m learning from teachers like Pema Chödrön who share uncomfortable truths with compassion—so I’m letting my edgiest insights have a voice
—>I’m watching how my friend Lia walks into rooms and simply exists without performing—so I’m practicing presence over people-pleasing
I haven’t stopped imitating. I’ve just upgraded my models.
That’s the gift Girard gave us: once you see that you’re imitating others, you can choose WHO you imitate.
The Borrowed Limitations Audit
Grab paper. Write down every limitation you believe about yourself. This is a vital step before we begin to download new beliefs.
Be specific:
“I can’t charge $X because...” → Model source: _______________
“I have to stay in [location] because...” → Model source: _______________
“I’m not ready for [opportunity] because...” → Model source: _______________
“I shouldn’t want more because...” → Model source: _______________
“People will think I’m [too much] if I...” → Model source: _______________
Now, for each one, ask: Where did this come from?
Whose voice is speaking? Your mother’s? Your father’s? Your teachers? Your struggling friends? Your corporate training? The coaches you’ve been following online who model playing small?
And what you borrowed, you can return.
Installation of New Hard Drive Practice
I giggle with clients when I relate their change work to hard drives. Yet, it clicks instantly. We all know how messy our hard drives can get if we keep saving without ever deleting
After you’ve identified your borrowed limitations, write this on a card. Read it three times daily:
“I am not my programming. Every limitation I believed was borrowed from models who were themselves limited. I choose to operate from my own possibility, not their ceilings. I consciously select models who demonstrate what I want to become. I am becoming exactly who I’m meant to be, and that evolution serves everyone.”
Morning, midday, before bed.
Overkill? Nope. You likely have decades of unconscious mimicry to shift. This is how you reprogram. Declaring a conscious imitation of NEW expansive models until the new paradigm becomes automatic.
Creating An Unlimited Version of You
Now, Find a quiet spot. Close your eyes and ask yourself: Who are the people I’ve been unconsciously imitating?
Not just individuals—entire systems, cultures, family patterns.
Now ask: Who could I consciously choose to model instead?
Not to copy their exact path, but to borrow their relationship to possibility. Their willingness to be visible. Their capacity to trust themselves.
Generate the FEELING of operating like someone who has already broken free from borrowed limitations. Feel the confidence. The joy. The lightness of choosing your models consciously.
Let your body FEEL this so strongly it starts to believe it already exists.
Because you do. You’ve just been imitating the wrong models.
Do The Work
Phew….Ready? Here’s the recap.
Tonight, before bed:
Write your borrowed limitations. Every one you can name.
Trace them to their source. Write “Model source: ___________” next to each limitation.
Ask yourself: If this limitation weren’t true—if it were just borrowed programming—what would I do differently tomorrow?
Name your new model. Write down: “Instead of imitating [LIMITING MODEL], I choose to study [EXPANSIVE MODEL] who demonstrates [SPECIFIC QUALITY YOU WANT].”
Don’t just think about this. Write it down. The moment you see the limitation as borrowed rather than true, it loses its power.
That’s recognition. That’s liberation. That’s conscious mimesis.
I’d love to hear what limitations you’re discovering aren’t actually yours—and which new models you’re choosing to imitate instead. Drop a comment below—I read every single one.
