Failure Tolerance - a muscle I'm building
Flexed and feeling into your life.
Welcome to Hope Sparks Substack. This week I’m diving into :
Building your own flexed and fabulous Failure Tolerance muscles.
Spotlight on the magical and healing Daniela. Mind move over. Make way for frequencies in your bodies with EFT and Reiki.
Make more mistakes - yup, this is a mantra for the Failure Tolerance path.
Reads and Recs on failing forward.
Failure Tolerance is (one of) the muscles I'm building
Many people place their sole attention on success.
I take another route.
I hunt for fails.
To be honest, I've been failing all my life. As a baby learning to walk I’m pretty sure I failed over and over and over again till I got the hang of it. The same goes for riding a bike, whistling, blowing a bubble, playing sports (ok, I still fail at throwing a frisbee). You get it. We are built to fail in order to learn when we’re young.
But the term ‘Failure Tolerance’ only landed on my scene 6 years ago. Thanks to Life Coach Brooke Castillo, it now informs my life with a level of honesty and resilience.
"We were literally taught to avoid failure. We were literally taught that if you’re failing a class, it’s better to drop it than to fail at it, that if you get an F on a test, that is the end, not the beginning, and that is a reflection of you and who you are."-Brooke Castillo
In our pursuit of success, the fear of failure often looms large, casting a shadow over our endeavours.
Failure doesn't have to be a set back.
What if we viewed failure as a stepping stone?
A twisty, turny path to discovery and personal development.
Imagine facing problems and setbacks with honesty, determination, and a healthy sense of realism.
What if when we failed, that is the beginning?
We viewed it as an indicator. A clue. Hard data demonstrating there’s more to learn.
We used failure as a way to figure out what we don’t know.
Overcoming our failures, with conscious awareness, shows us what went wrong.
The more we build on our failures, seeking them out and moving through them with growth, we develop a tolerance for them.
Failure is key to resilience
Picture this: from day one, we were ingrained with the notion of steering clear of failure.
Now, just imagine a different narrative. Envision a world where our upbringing taught us that an F isn't the final chapter but the opening line.
A signal that there's more to uncover, more to grasp. What if, from the start, we were instilled with the mindset to confront our failures head-on, to embrace them, and to cultivate a tolerance for the stumbling blocks in our path?
Think about the vast landscape of possibilities we could have painted in our lives if this had been the lesson ingrained in us when we’re young.
It's a shift in perspective that sparks the question: How much more could we create if we were raised to conquer failures rather than avoid them?
Why do I want you to fail more?
I want you to recognize that failure is harmless. The worst part of failure is the sticky, and tricky emotions that come as a result.
Yes, all kinds of uncomfortable emotions that have not even happened yet!
You know what I'm talking about. We all want to avoid looking bad and feeling unpolished.
You know the feeling of coming close to doing something brand new—warnings arise.
Old, outdated and dusty memories from failures past. Right? As soon as we embark on something new and risky, our nervous system rises to the fore.
The archaic protection system kicks into gear. Built to keep us safe, certain and familiar, the nervous system searches our internal hard drive for evidence of risk.
If you let it, your mind (supported by your trusty nervous system) will always share proposed proof for what could go wrong. It will pull up examples, images and projected feelings that could happen.
Know what I'm talking about?
That's when we can take the safe route and decide to not act. To do nothing for fear of what may happen, or how we may feel.
To avoid a feeling, we often decide NOT to act. Stagnation, failing ahead of time, never moves you forward. But failing does move you forward.
It’s a guarantee you will learn and grow.
Instead, most of us stay safe. Familiar. Certain. Even when that certainty is not bringing a smidge of joy or fulfillment.
What if your vision of your true life—personal and professional, is right behind that wall of failure?
Failing into an updated version of life is a weird concept. Right?
Stay with me. Being willing to fail or fumble, or make mistakes on purpose, breaks down old patterns you’ve followed all your life.
It looks like doing things differently. Trying new avenues. Testing new waters.
Dan Koe writes a lot about becoming the person who will embody, emanate and live the life you’re dreaming of. This means NOT being on autopilot.
You cannot move into new territory, have new ideas and move through change without being willing to fail.
Considerations for failing more
Gulp, so perhaps you’re up for exploring how to fail more? Here are some tried and tested considerations I have shared with clients to great (fail) success!
Some of us choose to fail ahead of time. We decide we can’t do something, it’s not possible before we even plan it or take action. I’m too busy. It’s not the right time. I can’t do that. Sound familiar?
*Instead, plan ahead of time. Decide you are committed to trying something new—going for a goal, experimenting with an idea, launching and creating outside of your head. No matter what. You build into this plan, a way to hunt for fails to give you trusty feedback along the way. Make it tangible. Book time to review and reflect on the something new. Plot the time in your calendar. Get an accountability buddy or enlist someone to stand in your corner. Do it. You will see results. Trust me.
Tend to your nervous system. Our nerves and emotions often kick in when we're in action mode, aiming to protect us and maintain a sense of comfort. It's like a safety mechanism. But here's the twist: when the fear of failure creeps in, we tend to retreat to avoid those uncomfortable feelings, seeking refuge in the familiar—even if it's not yielding results. It's that instinctive decision to hold back. However, by doing so, we miss out on valuable learning experiences and the opportunity to explore the vast potential of what's achievable!
*When we consistently tend to our stressed systems with regulating activities like: being in nature, meditation, sleep, movement, epsom baths… we have more capacity when our system (will undoubtedly() get triggered by fears of failure. Capacity is key here. The only way to add new inputs and brave moves into your life, IS to build your capacity for them.
We are not our failures. Sometimes, when things don't go as planned, we tend to connect the dots between our failures and our identity, thinking that we, as individuals, are the failure. It's crucial to distinguish between a failed action and our intrinsic worth as humans. Failure is not a reflection of who we are; it's simply an outcome of an action that didn't pan out.
*Review past failures and setbacks. Examine what went wrong? What were the circumstances? How did you plan, react, respond? Most of all, how can you learn from it for the future? Remember, no matter the fail, you remain just as valuable and capable as ever, ready to embark on a new path and try different actions. A reminder, you’re often too close to see—you are NOT your failures.
Journey of ‘Big Goals’ means embracing hardship. Let it be hard because the harder it is, the stronger you become. Resilience is built through overcoming difficulties and feeling the emotions that arise. Resilience does not happen by avoiding them or by reading books on resilience:)
*Having someone in your corner to explore Big Goals is a game changer. Feeling like you have gentle, or strong reminders when fear rears its ugly head will nudge you over the fear wall and to the other side. The side where goals become real. THIS is part of my work.
**Contact me here to explore if my coaching is a fit for you.
So, recap…
Yearning for the outcome or WIN without embracing the journey is like craving a masterpiece without picking up the paintbrush. Whether it's wealth, fitness, or freedom, we desire the destination but shy away from the sweat-soaked process. Perhaps, it's time to ponder on what it truly means to be human—learning, stumbling, conquering.
Life's a mosaic. We have piles of actions, failures, and triumphs; it's the fusion of these that defines how we stand out as individuals.
Hope Sparks Spotlight
Get ready for the spotlight because I'm thrilled to showcase the incredible work my clients are unleashing upon the world. I want you to meet these remarkable individuals too!
In my coaching journey, I blend the best of both worlds – a fusion of right and left brain support. Armed with tools honed over 20 years of transformation, I provide a loving foundation to leap from. But that's not all; I sprinkle in a touch of somatic magic and conscious connections because, let's face it, life isn't just about the logical mind.
When the journey gets tough, and my clients face roadblocks or a towering wall of fear, I weave in layers of support. Then they find their OWN way back to what truly matters.
Meet Daniela Renzella, a powerhouse expert in helping humans move through fear. She crafts a potent, release experience through online EFT and distance Reiki. Find her magic here.
In my clients words, “the release of stuck feelings and old fears in just 30 minutes spent with Daniela is mind blowing. I never tried EFT and now I’m totally sold on the impact of how our body-mind-spirit responds to it.”
Making Mistakes
Alan Watts often says it best:) I urge you to come up with what is your beautiful mistake this week.
Reads & Recs
Failosophy book for grown ups. Failosophy for teens
Want to watch a little video on me supporting my clients on Failing more?
Aim to fail at meditation? Join a group (led by my bros) and fail along with others here.
When you build your failure tolerance, it’s possible to embark on fantastic reinventions. I love this story (via a client of mine’s new Podcast!) on Reinvention after loss and grief.
Learning to risk? Risk to learn? Inspiring TED talk by Victor Saad who reimagined higher education and made it clear that something was missing in how we think about learning, work, and growth.
Infectious generosity? Recent years have been tough on optimists. This book shines a light on the human virtue of generosity to counter fear and fails.
Share your fails?
If you’re willing, I’m eager to hear about your massive fails or tiny flubs that have been your best teachers. Share in the comments below.
See you next week. If you enjoyed this read, please invite your friends.
In your corner,
With love,
Hope
Wise, strong, beautiful...
I’m standing in solidarity with you Hope. This is awesome. That voice could move mountains. May you stir the hearts of many and inspire them to become the best versions of themselves. Wherever they may stand.