I’m diving into:
A voice note from me to you.
Beyond the Woo. Feeling our feelings.
Why Feeling Your Feelings Fully Allows Us to Move Through Difficulties.
It's not just about you.
Reads and Recs - *I’ve dropped a FREE coaching tool below
Voice Note From Hope
I wanted to share where this post came from. I find voice notes land for me. Perhaps they do for you? xHopey
Not Woo Woo
Do you ever roll your eyes when you hear people talking about feeling their feelings?
Oh no. Not the woo woo talk of digging up feelings again.
No problem. Maybe you’re not interested in building a deeper connection with yourself or others, and increasing your capacity to grow? If so, I’d hop off this email.
"The only way out is through." - Robert Frost
Yes. I like to talk about feelings.
I’ll be blunt. Many of us don't know how to feel them.
What? You're crazy Hope. I have feelings all the time.
I'm sure you do.But do you experience your emotions fully?
This is the ticket.
Let me share where many of us respond to emotions that arise.
The first option. The one many of us default to. Resistance.
When we experience anxiety, anger, or fear, we are often resisting those emotions.
Imagine holding a beach ball underwater. Resisting the strong (difficult) emotion is the same. It takes effort to hold it down. At some point, it explodes to the surface, leaving us feeling overwhelmed. Or worse, it can get locked up inside our bodies, held in tension or dis-ease.
Many of us learned to resist our emotions as children, as a way of coping with difficult experiences. But nobody taught us an alternative.
In my coaching work I support my clients to be present with their emotions, rather than resist them.
Because here's the thing: being human means feeling emotions. They're not something to avoid or ignore because they guide everything we do.
Our emotions drive our actions, our decisions, and ultimately, our lives.
"Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions." - Elizabeth Gilbert
The second option is reacting to our emotions.
How does this land for you? Feeling an emotion means you have to act on it. Like, if you're angry, you have to yell.
If you're sad, you have to cry.
But reacting in this way doesn't often allow us to fully experience the emotion. It's like putting on a performance instead of being authentic. Yes, this lesson blew my little mind.
Moving beyond my first reaction of emotion has allowed me to get to the heart of many difficult emotions.
The third option is distraction.
We all have our ways of avoiding uncomfortable emotions. I call this buffering. Pick your route. It could be overeating when you're not hungry. You may find yourself overworking. Some of you may dip into over-socializing. Even positive activities like exercise, or self-care can be a form of distraction if they're used to avoid feeling.
But there's a fourth option: feeling the emotion.
That's what I want to focus on today.
How do we move past resistance, reaction, and distraction, and truly allow ourselves to feel?
The first step is holding space without judgment. Instead of immediately reacting or trying to push the emotion away, we allow it to be there. We don't attach any meaning or judgment to it. This takes practice, but it's essential for fully experiencing our emotions.
Next, we need to describe the emotion in detail. You can do this in your head, in your journal, or share with another trusted human. What does it feel like in our body? Where do we feel it?
By describing the physical sensations of the emotion in our body, we separate ourselves from it. This allows us to see that it's a temporary vibration. It's nothing to be afraid of. It can and will flow through if we let it.
Finally, we need to allow ourselves to carry the emotion with us, instead of trying to get rid of it. This means being willing to coexist with the discomfort, knowing that it will eventually pass. It's not always easy, but it's necessary for growth and personal development.
My invitation
The next time you're faced with an uncomfortable emotion, remember: you have a choice.
You can resist it, react to it, or distract yourself from it - or you can allow yourself to feel it, fully and completely.
And I'll be here to support you every step of the way if you want to explore this practice.
Simple Steps to Feeling Your Feelings
Ok, but how do I feel my feelings day to day in an easy way? I’m not used to going there. Here is my 5 step flow to getting our feeling muscles flexed:
1. Acknowledge: Start by acknowledging the emotion you're experiencing. Don't try to push it away or ignore it. Simply recognize that it's there.
2. Label: Give the emotion a name. Are you feeling sad, anxious, angry, or something else? Naming the emotion can help you understand it better.
3. Observe: Take a moment to observe how the emotion feels in your body. Notice any physical sensations - tightness in your chest, knots in your stomach, tension in your shoulders.
4. Breathe: Take a few deep breaths and allow yourself to sit with the emotion. Focus on your breath as you let the feeling wash over you.
5. Release: Finally, release any judgment or resistance you may have towards the emotion. Accept it for what it is and allow yourself to experience it fully.
Why Feeling Your Feelings Fully Allows Us to Move Through Difficulties
Feeling our emotions gives ourselves the opportunity to process and release them. Instead of suppressing or avoiding them, we confront them head-on. This can lead to greater emotional resilience and growth.
It also allows us to gain insight into ourselves and our experiences. Give yourself the space (and gift) of paying attention to the physical sensations. It is life changing.
Bring awareness to your body sensations associated with your emotions. You can better understand why you're feeling a certain way.
This offers clues to what needs to change in your life.
It can also help you develop healthier coping mechanisms. You will be able to navigate difficulties with greater ease and grace.
This is not just for you.
By feeling our feelings, it's not only about acknowledging them within ourselves. It's also about how we embody and express them in our interactions with others—whether it's with our kids, partners, or co-workers.
By showing up as our feeling selves and allowing our emotions to be seen and felt, we create deeper connections. This deepens bonds and fosters greater understanding in our relationships.
We can teach our children the importance of emotional intelligence and resilience.
We can send a ripple of impact to our workplace. By fostering a culture of empathy and open communication.
Reads & Recs
Questions to Ask Before You Sleep
I love asking myself these simple questions each evening. It is estimated that some 70,000 separate thoughts hurry through consciousness from the moment we wake up to the time we slip into sleep. Asking ourselves these questions helps us to understand our thoughts and feelings and move our minds to areas which we tend to neglect, and from where trouble can most intensely arise when we do so.
LIVE workshop with Hope via zoom - June 13 @12pm ET. Next week I’m offering the FIRST live workshop of a series this summer called Prime for a Pivot. In it I will share my beloved Coaching Tool on unlocking your life story - Hope’s Salient Moment Map. I highly recommend exploring it if you’re moving through any change in your life. The insights, gems and clues you’ll glean will be invaluable.
I do this exercise EVERY year (see squiggly lined drawing below) and it always blows my mind with insights on how I can support myself.
Beyond my own enthusiasm for this tool, I also like hearing how my tools impact my clients first hand. Join me and client Lisa for a quick convo on how mapping her life gave her huge insights and grounding for her work pivot.
The years of pandemic and lockdown are still working powerfully on us from the inside. But we have trouble acknowledging this, much less metabolizing it.Krista Tippett (On Being) interviews Christine Runyan on Healing Our Distressed Nervous Systems in the aftermath of the Pandemic. Side note: I listened to this twice. There was so much beautiful human wisdom shared!
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See you next week. If you enjoyed this read, please invite your friends.
In your corner,
With love,
Hope
The amount of empowering information and material that you include in your newsletters is awe inspiring!